It's Raining Men!
by Jennifer James
Summary: Jack, Lennie and Ed fall under Anita's spell


_Disclaimer: They ain't mine, okay?_

It had been such an odd day.  Men seemed to be falling all over themselves to accommodate her.

Anita was taken aback by how solicitous the officer who drove her back to the station was.  Normally, she opened and closed her own door but this guy had hopped quickly to assist her, even offering a gentlemanly hand to lift her from the car.  His crystal blue eyes twinkled bewitchingly as he wished her, "Good day, Lieutenant."  When she reached the door, she turned around to find him still watching after her.  

On the way to her office, she garnered several deliciously satisfying comments. 

"Looking lovely today as always, Lieutenant."  

Anita nodded and smiled graciously.  Having caught a glimpse of herself earlier as the winter afternoon sun highlighted the supple contours of her face, she had to admit that she did look especially fetching today.

Upon entering her office, she was greeted by a delightful surprise; a beautiful vase of flowers.  Anita studied the artful arrangement of yellow tulips interspersed with blue peonies and Casablanca lilies.  She leaned forward and brought one of the fragrant blooms to her nose, savoring the delicious clean scent.  What a treat it was to return from one of the loathsome meetings at One Police Plaza and be greeted by such breathtaking beauty.  Anita smiled as she reached for the card.  That husband of hers was going to be one lucky fellow tonight.

As she opened the envelope and pulled out the card, Ed popped into her office.

"Say, Lieu! You got a minute to --". He stopped mid-sentence when he caught sight of the flowers and let out a slow whistle.  "Well, well, well.  What have we here?"

Anita held out her hand for the report he was holding and pulled her glasses from her purse.  "They were here when I got back."  She told him as she looked over the paperwork.  She joked offhandedly, "Guess my secret lover is back in town." 

Ed smiled ever so slightly as he let his eyes travel over the length of the gloriousness that was Anita.  This woman drove him to distraction.  He had memorized everything about her. The way the back of her legs looked in a skirt when he walked behind her; her intoxicating scent when she leaned over him while he was seated at his desk; the way she tilted her head ever so slightly when she was chastising him for something he'd done, but he could tell that she wasn't really mad.

"Secret lover, huh?"  He crooned and the seductive tone was not lost on Anita.  "How decadent."

She looked at him and threw her head back, laughing out loud. "They're from my husband, you nut."  She dropped the report on her desk and picked up the card.  "He knew I had one of the dreaded meetings this morning. He probably ordered them on his way to work or called the florist when he got to the store."

Ed glanced at the envelope and recognized the address.  It appeared that the flowers had been sent from somewhere in the vicinity of the DA's office, which he found truly puzzling. A surge of white hot jealously furrowed his brow as he watched Anita read the card.

"Humph."  She said after she'd finished. She let her left hand fall to caress one of the tulips as she looked at the card again.  "That's strange." 

"What's strange?"  Lennie boomed as he joined them.  "Holy bejeevus!  Who died?"

Anita chuckled as she reread the card.  "You're a hopeless romantic, Lennie."

_Only for you, my love,_ Lennie thought to himself.  This woman had no idea what she did to him.  He'd spent many sleepless nights imagining her in the languid positions of the Kama Sutra.  Lennie loved the way she felt whenever he 'accidentally' brushed up against her.  Her rich, luminous skin worked like a potent mojo.  For him, Anita had given new meaning to 'standing at attention'.  Lennie smirked, remembering something he'd heard recently on an _I Love Lucy episode. 'Just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there isn't a fire in the furnace'._

"An admirer?"  He queried, trying hard to keep the deep resentment he felt from coloring his voice.  

"A secret one, it would appear."  Anita told them as she moved the flowers from her desk to the table where she kept her laptop.  She pushed it aside to make room for the massive blooms and took one last sniff before standing back to admire them.  "I'm sure it's just Donnie trying to be funny."

"Uh huh."  Ed and Lennie responded suspiciously in perfect unison.  Anita turned around as the two men faced each other and squared off.

"You sound a little perturbed, Ol' Spice."

"Am I sensing a bit of agitation from the flavor of the month?"

"Say, man!  I thought I told you 'bout calling me that?"

Lennie shrugged. "If the shoe fits…"

"Whoa." Anita said, stepping between them.  "Okay, what's going on with you two?"

"Yeah, Ed, you're acting a little squirrelly today."

Ed shrugged his jacket off.  "I got your squirrel, ol' man!"

"Enough!"  She commanded, pushing them apart.  "I don't know what the problem is but you two better get your acts together. I can't afford to have two of my best people going off the deep end."

The two men glared at one another as they backed down.  Anita shook her head and sighed.  An odd day was getting stranger with each passing minute.  She sat on the edge of her desk and Lennie and Ed's eyes immediately went to her nylon clad legs as she crossed them.  She couldn't help but notice them ogling and cleared her throat.  "Uh, hello?  Eyes up here fellas."

"Anita I have to talk to you."  Ed said breathlessly.  "In private."

She was a little surprised to hear him address her by her name instead of her rank, but she wasn't a hardliner on that subject.  She was more concerned with whatever had them both in a tizzy.

Lennie quickly chimed in, "I need to talk to you, too.  Privately."

"I asked first!"

"Well, I ain't leavin'!"

Anita thought her brain was going to explode.

"Knock, knock."

They all turned around to find Jack McCoy standing there.  "Am I interrupting something?"

"Yes, and you're timing couldn't be better."  Anita told him as she slid from her desk.  Jack watched her graceful dismount with quiet appreciation.  There was something so tantalizing in the way this woman moved.  He'd long harbored a secret desire to bask in the magnificence that was Anita.  Who wouldn't want to learn the lessons her full lips could impart?  Or lose themselves in the mysterious depths of almond shaped brown eyes?  Jack had waited long enough.  It was time to make his intentions known.

"What can I do for you Counselor?"  She asked as she sat down behind her desk.  

Jack moved between Ed and Lennie, who grudgingly parted and let him pass.  He smiled at them and ambled over to the table that held the floral arrangement.

"Beautiful."  He commented as he touched one of the lilies.

"Aren't they?"  Anita agreed.  "But my detectives seem to be overly concerned about the ambiguity of the sender." 

Jack raised his signature quizzical brow.  "There wasn't a card?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't much help. No signature."  The card was still lying on her desk and she picked it up.  "It's really not that big a deal.  I'm sure it's just my husband trying to pull a fast one.  You men can get funny ideas about things from time to time."

"What exactly does the card say?"  Lennie asked and withered a bit under the look she gave him.  "Well, maybe you missed something."

Anita put her glasses on and read the card out loud.

"_She walks in beauty, like the night_

_Of cloudless climes and starry skies;_

_And all that's best of dark and bright_

_Meet in her aspect and her eyes."_

_Signed, an Ardent Admirer_

"Satisfied?"  She put the card back into the envelope and stuck it in her purse.  "Now can we please get back to work?"  She turned to Jack.  "I'm sure you didn't come all the way over here just to admire my flowers."

"I'd like to speak with you privately, Anita."

"Get in line, Counselor." Ed quipped.  "Behind Lennie."

"Who made you leader?" Lennie bristled.

"Gentlemen, please.  Can't you settle this with pistols?" Jack cracked.  "But don't draw until you see the whites of their eyes."

"Can we get this guy outta here?" Lennie demanded.

"I'm not going anywhere.  I have something very important to discuss with the fair Anita."

Ed shoved past Lennie and pushed Jack aside.  "If anybody talks to her it's gonna be me."

"In a pig's eye!" Lennie blasted and pulled Anita out of her seat. "Whatever you need to whine about can wait, Junior."

"Anita, please dismiss your subordinates. I've got to talk to you!"

"Wait one damn minute!  I ain't stepping aside for you Biker Boy! That goes for you too, Ol' Spice!"  

"Can it, kid!  She's outta your league."

Anita found herself surrounded by all three of them, being pulled from one to the other as they continued to argue at the top of their lungs.

Had she unknowingly stepped into some parallel universe?  Why were they all behaving so strangely?  And stranger still, why did they all seem to have the hots for her?  Well, maybe that wasn't _that strange.  She was quite beguiling._

"Hold it!"  She screamed at the top of her lungs.  "Everybody back up!"

A deafening silence suddenly filled the room.  The men seemed to move in slow motion as they parted.  Anita looked past them into the squad room which had been magically emptied of all its occupants.   She looked down and found herself sheathed in a long flowing white gown, cut deep at the front to reveal her voluminous cleavage.  Jack, Lennie and Ed stood before her, dapper and very dashing in white linen suits.  She shook her head, hard.

"What the hell is going on?"

Jack stepped forward first and took her hand.  "Shall I recite more of Lord Byron's poem?"

_"And on that cheek and o'er that brow,_

_ So soft, so calm, yet eloquent; _

_ The smile that wins, the tint that glow,_

_ But tell of days in goodness spent." _

"Those flowers aren't from your husband Anita." He confessed.  "I sent them. I sent them because I can't go on another day denying the burning sensation I get every time I'm near you."

"Yeah, you might want to have that checked out."  Lennie cracked as he nudged Jack aside.  "Look Anita, I can't spout fancy words some dead guy wrote before God was a boy, but I can tell you that you work on me just like a fifth of Scotch."

"Um, thanks." Anita wasn't sure how else to respond.  "I think."

"This ain't happy hour, old timer." Ed was caustic.  "Now, if you fellows don't mind, I'll show you how it's done."

Jack smirked and Lennie rolled his eyes.  "This I gotta see."

Out of nowhere, a blinding white light surrounded Ed as he slipped out of his jacket and let it fall away.  A mighty wind filled the office and ripped his shirt open to reveal exquisite skin and a perfect six pack. 

"Oh, my."  Anita breathed.

Lennie cried, "Foul!"

"Is this outrageous display really necessary?" Jack demanded.

While his open shirt continued to flap in the breeze, Ed moved towards Anita and took her in his arms.  "I got what you need, baby."

"I think I'm gonna lose my lunch." Lennie said flatly.

"That makes two of us." Jack agreed.

Anita pushed Ed away and stepped back.  "This is all very overwhelming."  She lamented.  "I can understand why you all find me so desirable.  I mean, look at me?"  

Lust filled their eyes as Jack nodded appreciatively, Lennie rubbed his hands in eager anticipation and Ed slowly licked his lips.

"The attention is very flattering.  You guys sure know how to sweep a girl off her feet.  But I'm afraid you're all gonna have to find some way to get me out of your systems or else continue to admire me from afar in tortured silence."  Anita walked over to her desk and picked up a framed picture.  "You see, I love my husband.  He's all that I've got, but he's all the man that I need."

They heard a commotion coming from the corridor outside the squad room and after a moment Don Van Buren burst through the doors leading a white horse by the reins.  Whitney Houston's 'All the Man That I Need' blared, providing a fitting soundtrack to the romantic scene.  Anita dropped the picture and ran to embrace her husband.  He dropped the reins and dipped Anita expertly, covering her mouth in a passionate kiss.

"You are my Galahad!" She cried.

Don laughed raucously. "No way, baby.  Seeing you in that dress doesn't exactly put me in a 'look but don't touch' mood."

He mounted the horse and bent down to swoop Anita into place behind him.  She slid her arms around his waist and kissed his cheek.

Don turned to speak to the disheartened group of men.

"Sorry fellas, but I'm gonna take it from here."

As they galloped out of the squad room, she could hear their mournful cries.  "Anita!! Anita!! Anita!!"

Anita was enjoying it all thoroughly and laughed wildly until she felt someone shoving her shoulder.

"'Nita!" Don called for the fourth time.  "Wake up!"

Anita opened her eyes.  She laid still a moment and listened to the whir of the central heat as it came through the vents.  The clock beside the bed said that it was 4:53.

"What's the matter?"  She asked, her voice raspy with sleep.

"You been tossing and turning for the better part of an hour."  Her husband informed her.  "And then all of a sudden you started cackling. I thought you were having a fit."

She rubbed her eyes and sat up.  "I'm sorry."  She apologized, yawning.  "I had the weirdest dream."

Don punched his pillow and adjusted it under his head.  "You mind telling me in the morning?  I'd like to try and salvage what's left of sleeping time."

Anita stuck her tongue out at the back of his head and slid back down under the covers.  She moved closer to him to steal some of his body heat and just as she was settling back into a restful state, Don spoke to her.

"Baby?"

"Yeah?"

"Who's Galahad?"

Anita giggled and pulled the covers over her head.


End file.
